”Pain heals, chicks dig scars. Glory…lasts forever.”

The Replacements is my personal favorite movie of all time. So, I thought it was only right to make it the first movie review here on The Art Of Bro.

A brief summary for those who haven’t seen this masterpiece from the year 2000:

Keanu Reeves plays Shane “Footsteps” Falco, a former college and professional quarterback whose potential was never realized due to a blow out loss in college. His playing career gets revitalized when the players from the professional football league go on strike.

The Washington Sentinels hire Coach Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman, RIP) to finish the season. McGinty recruits Shane and a team of hand selected wash-outs with the mission of winning 3 games to get Washington to the playoffs. Shane and the other players become incredibly close while finding debauchery, glory and love along the way.

If you appreciate sports or early 2000’s movies and haven’t seen this show, drop what you’re doing and change that.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

I’d bet every single one of us has dreamed of a second chance at our athletic glory days. It doesn’t matter what level you played at or even if you played at all.

I was no star athlete, maybe respectable, but certainly not even a 1 star recruit. Yet, I still find that my most often recurring dream is being back on a football field, with my teammates.

The story that takes place in the “The Replacements” is like a love letter to that sentiment.

The movie even quotes it at the end when Hackman says “Most men dream of a second chance. These men lived it.”

Every single time I watch The Replacements it gives me a false sense of hope. I imagine myself at work getting a phone call.

Who’s on the other end of the line?

Andy Reid.

“Hey kid, I know you didn’t touch the field until your senior year, had basically no stats to speak of, and had to beg to get recruited to a D3 school that you got zero play time at, but we need a damn quarterback. What do ya say?”

I’m fired up just thinking about being back out there with the fellas.

Meeting The Team

Shane shows up to practice with the Sentinels and the struggles begin immediately, but so does the brotherhood.

The receivers can’t catch, the defense doesn’t get the concept of “no hit” on the quarterback and half the guys can barely exist in the same room without fighting. It’s basically the perfect environment to become bros.

Every group of friends I’ve ever had has started in the same dysfunctional way. Without that level of chaos, there’s no chance anything happens to bond you.

The team exhibits some potential in their first game. They ultimately lose due to the same shortcomings that ended each of their respective playing careers. The loss, naturally, leads them to a bar in downtown D.C.

“That’s My F***** Boy”

At the bar, Shane and the team are harassed by the real pro’s who they are replacing. This kicks off when the pro quarterback, Eddie Martel, talks shit to Shane’s deaf Tight End (played by David Denman, the same guy who played Roy in “The Office”).

Shane, being the ultimate bro that he is, tells Martel to chill out. Martel says the Tight End can’t hear, so it doesn’t matter. Shane hits him with a quick “Well, I can.” Martel sucker punches Shane. Shane takes it like a champ, then tries to diffuse the situation.

Martel and his posse won’t budge. Shane recognizes this and calls for the rest of his team to back him up. The fight that ensues is both awesome and hilarious.

I love this scene and how it highlights Shane’s willingness to back up his buddies. Feel like I’ve been there with my boys a thousand times…allegedly. If your boys aren’t willing to back you up in a moment like this, get new friends.

A Forced “Sesh” With The Fellas

The bar fight ultimately lands Shane and the fellas in the drunk tank. Personalities clash and tempers flare, initially. Then, Shane steps in. He accidentally delivers a funny comment that breaks the tension. Another great example of Shane Falco being the bro every group needs.

The guys relax a bit then start giving each other shit about the things each of them during the fight. At this point, they realize they messed up, might as well joke about it.

Classic aftermath of a night out with the fellas.

This is another sneakily great scene that exhibits the spirit of being a bro. Despite being thrown in jail for the night, and being a bit pissed at one another, they’re able to get past it and have fun.

This is the kind of moment that solidifies a friend group.

Fear and Trust

Now that the guys are a bit closer, Coach McGinty brings them in to talk about their fears. At first, they’re all hesitant to take the exercise seriously. No man wants to admit that he has fears, even though we all do.

Once again, Shane leads the way. He expresses his fear of being overwhelmed. This clears the way for the rest of the team to do the same.

I’ve generally kept this light hearted. However, this is a deeper point I want to touch on. Please bear with me.

Shane’s expression of his fears allows his buddies to open up as well. This is something that should only happen when we get relatively close to one another. Sharing our fears and concerns, when done properly, can bring us even closer to our friends and help us to solve our problems.

I’d caution you to be careful with this. Don’t to shy away from it with your brothers, though.

You should definitely lean on the friends you trust and be willing to let them lean on you when they need it. I’ve done this with my closest friends and it’s helped me personally and professionally. I’d like to think I’ve helped them too.

My only disclaimers here are to make sure this isn’t the only thing you talk about (whining), and don’t make the mistake of revealing your fears to someone you don’t trust.

Okay, I’ll get off this soapbox now.

Ups and Downs

The team starts working like a relatively well oiled machine. They win their next two games with some very funny antics and some of the best football action scenes you’ll ever see in a movie. Shane even starts up a romance with the captain of the cheerleading team, Annabelle (Brooke Langton).

But, trouble is brewing.

The Sentinels have to play Dallas in their final game. Dallas is the defending world champion and their entire pro roster is back to play the game.

The owner of the Sentinels, Ed O’Neil, doesn’t believe Shane has the talent to lead the team to victory. He gets Martel to give up the strike and return to play. Coach McGinty fights to keep Shane but O’Neil won’t budge. O’Neil threatens McGinty with a breach of contract if McGinty refuses to play Martel.

McGinty finds Shane and gives him the bad news.

Taking It On The Chin

Shane goes to pack his things and leave the stadium but he runs into Martel. Martel, being an early 2000’s movie villain, makes sure to tell Shane that he is untalented and should let go of his new cheerleader girlfriend.

In another incredible bro moment from Shane, he only says “take care of my guys, yeah?” Dude didn’t even think to defend himself, just wanted to be sure the homies were set. Legend.

Shane’s so concerned for his teammates he skips his date with Annabelle. I don’t have the strength to stand up, prime, Brooke Langton like that. Shane’s a better man than I.

Shane goes to the bar to find his teammates partying and enjoying their victories. They’re all happy to see him, but they can tell there’s something wrong. Whoever said dudes don’t have emotional intelligence? Shane drops the news on them, and they’re all immediately depressed.

Shane tries to lighten the mood with a joke, because he’s a bro. His teammates are also among the most admirable of bro’s, though. They don’t let Shane leave before they raise their glasses to him and declare him their leader and their friend.

Damn. Is somebody cutting onions in here?

Do, In Fact, Call It A Comeback

Shane watches the game from home. Martel acts like an jerk on the field and lets the team fall into a 17 point hole. At halftime, a reporter interviews Coach McGinty. McGinty says the Sentinels will need “a whole lot of heart” to get back in the game. The beacon is lit. Washington calls for aid and Shane “Footsteps” Falco will answer.

Shane arrives at the locker room in the middle of a screaming match between Martel and the rest of the team. Martel tells McGinty “no one can win with these losers”. “I can” says Shane. Martel tries to order Shane to leave but McGinty overrules him. When Martel tells McGinty that O’Neil will fire him McGinty hits him back “wouldn’t be the first time”. Jimmy McGinty – certified bro.

Shane takes the field, finds Annabelle, apologizes, she forgives him, he slaps a kiss on her, then he goes to the huddle.

Shane gets the team back in the game with a couple of scores before delivering one o the greatest quotes in sports movie history.

“I know you’re tired, I know you’re hurting, and I wish I could say something that was classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn’t be our style. Pain heals, chicks dig scars. Glory…lasts forever.”

I’m ready to run through a brick wall.

A few plays later, the team lines up to tie the game with a field goal. The kicker, Shane’s gambling addicted friend, Nigel, says he’s been ordered to miss the kick. Loan sharks have caught up to him and threaten to take away the bar he owns. Shane, the most bro of all bro’s, saves Nigel by running for a touchdown instead, thinking he’s won the game.

The big pay gets called back for holding, though. Classic offensive line activities. Shane has to put the team on his back one more time.

A Well Deserved “W”

Falco enters the huddle, reassures the fellas that they can win this and tells them it’s “been an an honor to share the field of battle” with them. Is this guy a pro quarterback, or is he Shakespeare re-incarnate? I promise your favorite QB isn’t delivering lines like “Footsteps” Falco does.

With classic 2000’s action movie music backing the scene, Shane tosses an absolute dimeball to the back corner of the end zone. The deaf tight end makes a diving catch and the Sentinels win the game as “Heroes” by David Bowie starts playing.

Shane celebrates with his teammates and knocks out another make-out session with Annabelle as the movie fades out to the credits.

For your viewing pleasure:

Masterpiece.

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