I’ve been thinking about the friends I’ve met exactly when I needed to meet them. I’ve also thought about the goodbyes I’ve had to say that felt like they came far too soon.

Some Backstory

I had been living in upstate New York, stationed at Ft. Drum, for about a year and a half. I had just completed my time as an infantry Platoon Leader. It was the only job I had wanted since deciding to join the Army in college. It was the greatest job I ever had. I was then “promoted” to be a Company XO, a different job that I could not have wanted less. The new job also meant that I would have to act a Rear Detachment Company Commander while my old Platoon and all my friends deployed to the Middle East.

I was preparing myself for a very lonely and stressful time ahead. The constant “goodbye dinners” I had been attending for my friends and my general dissatisfaction with living in frigid, underpopulated, upstate New York were making me feel even worse.

Enter: “Flat Earth” Mike and The “Young Horns”

We had planned to eat and play trivia at the bar one last time before my friend left for Syria. She had invited some other people that I didn’t know, those people had done the same and so on. The dinner turned into a 20 person event but about half of those invited were leaving. The other half of us would be staying in New York.

I didn’t know it yet, but that group contained some people that would become very important to me. I was sitting next to a future girlfriend, and a whole new friend group which included 4 of the greatest dudes I’ve been lucky to meet. Jack, John and yes, Flat Earth Mike.

I wasn’t sure I liked them at first. They were from a different unit, they were all pilots and they all had their classic aviator mustaches (I was jealous, infantrymen are unofficially forbidden from growing mustaches) and they kept saying things were “horny”.

To refine the statement above, Mike referred to almost everything as “horny”, and did so loudly. This annoyed the women at the table and most of the bar patrons. I didn’t even know his name yet, but I was entertained.

“Why do you keep saying everyone is horny?” I asked.

That was the last moment in my life that I could claim to be illiterate in the language of Flat Earth Mike. The conversation that erupted after that question arguably changed my life, surprisingly for the better.

The Young Horns

The use of “horn/horny” in the Dictionary of Flat Earth Mike can refer to many things. Such as:

• Sexual Arousal
• Something that is cool
• Something is uncool
• Something that is stylish
• Something is unstylish
• Someone said something crazy
• Someone displayed “game” with a woman
• Someone displayed a serious lack of “game” with a woman
• Literally anything you can think of, you can call it “Horny”

(Example 1: Your buddy pulls up with the freshest fit you’ve ever seen? You can say, “Bro, you’re diabolically horny right now.”)

(Example 2: Your buddy is way too drunk at the bar and tells some gal that she “looks like she should be having his kids” and gets rejected? You can say “Bro, you’re deviously horn, you gotta chill.”)

This took off the way all conversations between guys tend to. We drank more, yelled at each other, laughed at each other and then drank more again. This repeated through the end of the dinner. We said goodbyes to those leaving on deployment and chastised those who were simply calling it a night. The group decided we were staying out and hitting the wine bar up the street.

We made an effort to drunkenly reintroduce ourselves at the second bar. None of us had really taken the time to figure out names between beers at dinner. Jack and John introduced themselves to me in the way you would expect.

Mike introduced himself to me as “Flat Earth Mike”. When I asked why, he explained to me that he’s “been up there in the helicopter, the earth is flat, deadass”.

(I don’t think he actually believes that, but honestly I can’t tell you.)

The night eventually ended and Mike made sure to tell me I was a part of the “Young Horns” crew from then on. He even put his contact name in my phone as “Flat Earth Mike”. (It has not changed and never will)

Where It All Went

Over the next year I got incredibly close with those guys. Jack and I attempted to hit on women while I was single, John and I talked about guitar and music, Mike and I talked about food and working out, we went on trips to Canada, we had our fill of 1/2 price wine nights at the local wine bar, drank with the townies at the local breweries, celebrated birthdays, Halloween, New Years Eve and had plenty of boys nights.

Army friend groups are awesome but they’re strange too. The groups include people from all walks of life and they get tight incredibly fast. They’re also destined to be split up. We were no different.

About a year after we met, Jack had to leave New York because of a promotion, and John went on his own deployment shortly after Jack moved.

Mike and I were the only two left, but Mike was also getting ready to deploy. I would be staying in New York again as my unit had just returned from their deployment.

We did all the classic bro things: hit the gym, grilled steaks, drank beers and went to the bar so much that they knew our orders before we sat down. We were also on a first name basis with the bartenders. This helped me in the long run as it gave me the next group of friends I’d have after Mike was gone. That’s a story for another time, though.

Mike deployed and that made me the last member of the crew still in New York. We all still talked in our groupchat but Mike made a noticeable effort to check in on each of us individually. He’d even call us to get updates on what we were all doing. He did all of this frequently, more frequently than I’ve ever seen in a friend group full of dudes.

The Empty Chairs

On weekends I would hang out with some new friends that lived about two hours away. On weeknights, I kept going to the same local bars for dinner and drinks. I’d talk with the bartenders I’d become friends with and occasionally run into work friends as well.

Every time I went to have a drink or grab some dinner to go, I’d remember some insane thing that Mike had said, some chick Jack or I had hit on and totally fumbled, or one of John’s (impeccable) Donald Trump impressions that had happened in those same barstools. Being the last one to leave never felt good but I wouldn’t trade the brotherhood I had with those guys for anything. On the other hand, I would trade a lot to hang out at our old bar again. I can only imagine how shitty that year would have been without them.

I finally left New York when I got a promotion that sent me to Ft. Benning, GA, about 5 months after Mike left.

Mike returned from Egypt a few months after I left. He sent me a picture of the bar top at the same bar where he introduced himself to me as Flat Earth Mike. We both shared the weird feeling of how it felt being the only one of the bros left in town. As we both put it, it’s an overwhelming feeling of “where’s my dawg?”

What Do You Do About It

Our solution to the “where’s my dawg?” feeling was pretty basic and I think its the right answer. I already mentioned Mike’s enthusiasm for reaching out to each of us. I think that’s a key point in all of this. We all have to say goodbye to friends along the way. If we all start trying to reach out to each other as much as my buddy Mike does, I think we’ll all get tighter with our boys.

You’ve gotta make the effort to see your buddies again. We’ve already started planning a Young Horns reunion for when everyone is back stateside and has some time.

You’ve also gotta accept the feeling. It didn’t feel good, but I think it was good for me to recognize that it sucked to be away from my buddies. Being in the same place where most of our memories were made also helped me to relive those memories. I think that reinforces the friendship which makes it more likely we’ll make the effort to hang out again.

So get out there and crush some brews with your homies, find a way to hold onto that as a memory, don’t be the silent guy in the groupchat and plan a boys trip if y’all are split up.

If anyone has a story or suggestion they want to share, hit the comments.

Cheers,